There are numerous blogs, articles and books by moms, experts and random people about motherhood - what to do, how to do it, a new mom's feelings, how to cope with them, what to feel, how to feel. But a mother is just one part of the equation of motherhood.
What about the newborn? Have you ever wondered what your baby is thinking? (Let us assume at this point that the baby is capable of a linear, logical, clear thought process)
Again, (as is emphasized in all books) - all babies are different, so are all mothers. What i think my baby thinks may not be applicable to your baby. Your baby might be different or maybe you are not as crazy as i am to go into an imagination spiral - like feeding, changing, burping was not enough to push you into mental exhaustion that I had to come up with a twisted new mental exercise!
But anyway, here goes..
5:00 am - Looks like everyone is fast asleep, I can even hear faint snoring. Seems like a good time for one loud cry to get their attention. BAAHHH!
5:00 am 15 seconds: There! I knew one good cry would be enough. This person seems like the one who gives me my food. And there she is trying to get me to eat again! Am i hungry..let me see..wait no...I don't think i am very hungry...or wait maybe i am .... I cannot make up my mind. Why can't she just sit still for like an hour or so till i make up my mind.
7:00 am - The family seems to be getting up. I can feel the general stir in the environment. Oh, and there goes - the person who calls herself "nani" is looking at me. Did you just ask me how i was, let me tell you how i am - i do not get the peace i need to make up my mind about my hunger. Your daughter insists on quick decisions. Oh, yes Nanu...peek in..it is absolutely okay to stare at me! And then they say staring is rude. I do not understand these people
9:00 am - I have nothing to do. I am well fed, burped and changed...what to do? Oh well, let me pee just a tiny little bit and then i will have something to cry about. Baaahhh. Oh hello mother! Now that you are here how about feeding me ? oh well, fine, change me first if you must. And no, i do not want to listen to any made up story. Let me eat in peace. Again they teach us to not talk while eating and this one keeps asking me silly questions! Am i expected to answer?
11:00 am - i am bored. Let us try the pee thing again. Baah! Well, where is everyone? Baaah! anyone? Ok, now i am just plain pissed. How many times does one have to cry to get attention? Well, there is someone! Oh, nani you again. Yes, as i was saying I am feeling ignored, i do not want to eat, well maybe on second thought just give me some food!
1:00 pm - Who is that whispering in the corner? Oh god, another family meeting to discuss my poop. Let my poop alone! And no, it is not okay to keep touching my bum! If i pee or crap i will be kind enough to let you know. Stop touching my bum please. I wonder how babies are expected to grow up and not touch other people's bum to see if they have taken a dump or not!
4:00 pm: Does everyone look exhausted? Have i made them sing and dance and talk nonsense to me for the entire afternoon? It is that time of the evening when adults cannot sleep? Seems like it, well, off i go to my dreamland...
6:00 pm - GIVE ME FOOD! BAAAHHHHHH! Hmm..that felt good. And since you have been so good, let me toss a lop sided smile bordering on smirk your way and make your day.
Must this man who keeps referring to himself as "Nanu" insist on getting a burp out of me after every meal? His insistence borders on obsession. Why can't he just let me sleep peacefully? Oh, Oh he has forgotten to carry the plastic..here goes...peeeee...maybe i should add a little bit of poop too! There you go...that's for all the times you insist on holding me upright for a burp after a heavy meal.
8:00 pm - I am in a good mood. Let me play in my play gym. Why must this gym have such garish colors? Yellow, red, purple really? What happened to baby pink and white and lime green? This thing blinds me. Don't move and shake it in my face please, i can see just fine without all the excessive, over enthusiastic jerks and shakes. Oh well, pick me up just when i was enjoying it.
9:00 pm - Visitors! oh god, where can i hide? The men are okay, atleast they don't insist on picking me up and lose interest pretty quickly. The women! Do not pick me up. And please let my mother alone. She seems to be getting a hang of things without 101 instructions and suggestions thrown her way, some of which horrify even me. God forbid, some dumb ritual appeals to my mom and the next thing you know she is blowing air on my head or whispering nonsense in my ears.
12:00 am - Oh what a good sleep i have had! And so my day begins. Let me see what have i planned for the day? Let me eat first and then play time!
3:00 am - No. i am not hungry. No. i do not need to be changed. No, my tummy doesn't hurt. No, i am not sleepy. What do i want? Well, its 3 am - time for me to be cranky and howl and break the deafening silence around. My, look at them get flustered. It is quite funny. Maybe instead of recording my every movement and smile, they should record themselves. What a laugh it will provide. The drowsy, droopy eyed adults stumbling about trying to calm me down. Flustered, confused, frustrated! It is like watching a Charlie Chaplin or Mr. Bean show.
Anyway, i have had enough of this circus, off to sleep. I need to wake you guys up at 5:00 am. That's hard work.
Good night. No, thank you, i do not need you to sing to put me to sleep. If singing is what you are claiming it is!