You never see yourself going through the wrongly termed - "morning" sickness, or the moods that swing like a pendulum on gatorade, or the various aches afflicting body parts you did not know existed. You do not imagine the extreme aversion to foods, and their effect on you. All you think about is the happy baby in your arms. Even that is a myth, apparently. Babies are happy only for so much time, the rest of the time they are crying, pooping or sleeping!
But that is how it is!
Notwithstanding all these "sicknesses" , you look forward to your life changing completely. Again, I am not prepared for it - for life as i know it, to stop existing, and to morph into something completely different, sucked into a stratosphere where the baby is the center of your universe. You cannot prepare for it - how will you go about the preparation anyway? But you just know it is going to change, and it is a change you look forward to.
As i let my body come to terms with the horror i have and the baby will continue inflicting on it, i rest peaceful in my mind. At least my mind has come to terms with it. However, since it is the body that has to bear the major brunt, my mind has considerately decided to wait for it to relax and accept in its own sweet time.
How quickly we want everything to materialize the moment we think of it! When we decided to start trying for a baby - i couldn't wait - it had to happen that very month, And then when it doesn't you start thinking of the worst case scenarios. And then it happened the next month - thanks to advanced pregnancy tests, and ovulation kits and other gizmos, we can expedite this phase of trying to make a baby. But ultimately, nature takes the lead - 9 months it has always been and 9 months it shall always be.
And you think - how is it that we haven't come up with solutions to this lost gestational period as yet?
But, i honestly think, nature has been kind and understanding the impatience of mankind, has got this number down to the absolute least. The body just about adjusts in 9 months - anything less and it would probably rebel or give up.
This is just one of the many tangents that my thoughts seem to venture into, the majority is occupied with the best of thoughts! It is a game - if you are in, there is no turning back and if you are out, you cannot wait to get in.
Sometimes it is the disbelief that - this is actually happening, sometimes it is the sheer pressure - will i be able to cope? Often it is the day dreaming, marred by the occasional bout of sickness, many a times it is the joy of creating, the happiness of love.
Do you ever take time to get used to being pregnant? Do you sometimes forget that you are - Absolutely not!
It is something that is there at the back of your mind, always, ticking like a time bomb, never letting you forget that you are in a region full of minefields.
And when you see the little dot in the sac, its heart pumping viciously, you know this is as real as it gets!